celebrity gossip, academic style

So the Proust Questionnaire was not actually invested by Proust — just taken by him. And so named. You see it on the final pages of Vanity Fair every month, with answers oscillating from the banal to witty to moving. Only celebrities are the ones answering the questions in that case — here, various friends, colleagues, and general smarties will be answering the questions about celebrities.

Note: This is a (very liberal) celebrity-themed variation on the Questionnaire. I figure it’ll be a great way not only to introduce you to others who are interested in the analysis of celebrity, but who also take different approaches (and have different loves/hates) than myself.

This will be a semi-regular feature, with dozens participating over the next few months. If you would like to participate — the blog would love to have you! Send me an email (see the “About Me” section, message me on Twitter, make on a note on the Facebook page.

And so, for our inaugural edition, Ms. Kristen Warner…..

1.) What is your name, occupation, website?
Kristen aka Kaydubya aka Dear Black Woman, Assistant Professor,

2.) What is your first memory of being drawn to a star or celebrity?

Two parts to this question because before I knew what stardom or celebrity was I knew about gossip. And, my first encounter with gossip was when Maria and Luis got married on Sesame Street in 1988. I had a subscription to Sesame Street magazine (Oh I was in the KNOW about what happened on that damn street) and remembered reading the story and finding myself so curious about all the drama and details around it. I thought it was FOR REAL. Changed my whole life. Second part to that question was I was drawn to the Brat Pack. In my head it was like a conspiracy.

Sesame Street- Maria & Luis Get Married
Uploaded by aardvark917. - News videos from around the world.

3.) Who are your heroes of contemporary celebritude, and why?
I don’t have any. Celebrities are so fallible and strange that I consider none of them heroes. They mostly function as people in a fishbowl to me.

4.) Who are your favorite participants, broadly speaking, in the history of stardom, and why?
Tom Cruise has always been a fascinating dude to study. I have narrativized and re-narrativized his story so many times I feel like Andrew Morton. And, when in 2000 he divorced Kidman, I’ll never forget the shocked feeling. A brilliant story. Brilliant. And Bert Fields scares the shit out of me so I’m curious about him too.

5.) You can only be best friends with one person in all of celebritude, past and present. Who? How did you two meet? What’s your favorite thing to do together?
So, I’m gonna cheat on this question a little. I always had this fantasy about starting an organization with all the powerful black women in Hollywood (I remembered reading a story about Goldie Hawn and Kate Capshaw and Sally Field and Rita Wilson having a similar club and thought we should have one too). We would all be BFF and change the landscape of how Hollywood hired women of color. We’d have monthly meetings and close down restaurants (like the white ladies above did) and plan our takeover. We would mentor the young and wayward black women and we’d systemize the process of casting so we all knew who was auditioning for what. So, my best friends (and the leadership of our org) would be Jada Pinkett-Smith (pre-Scientology), Nia Long, LisaRaye, Vivica A. Fox, etc. We would invite Halle but she’d never come (she was still angry that we chastised her for doing Monsters Ball. If Angela said no, she sure as hell should have). Oprah drops in on occasion.

6.) You can only date on person in all of celebritude, past and present. Who? Where would you first date be? What would he/she get you for your birthday?
Ben Affleck. He’d take me to a Tyler Perry movie and watch as I laughed my ass off only afterwards to have a full-on debate with me about why I laughed and why Perry is important to study and take seriously. Birthday: He’d take me to Stuart Weitzman and say, “Go.” I’d cry (I love shoes) and force him to drive us to the Justice of the Peace.

7.) Who do you regard as the lowest depth of celebritude?
The pit of celebritude is made up of the following: The Kardashians, Speidi, Snooki, Paris Hilton, Olivia Wilde, Miley Cyrus and Katherine Heigl.

8.) Name a celebrity that is
a.) Overrated: right now? Olivia Wilde-who gives a shit about her? And yet, she’s every-damn-where. Go back to the videogame and stay there.
b.) Underrated: Melissa Leo-those “consider” ads might be tacky and unpolished but I think that makes her more normal and just like us then anything. I mean, she’s not made of money. But she wanted some frakkin attention!
c.) Appropriately rated: Colin Firth. He comes and goes in the limelight as he pleases because of this very fact.

9.) What is your favorite celebrity nickname and/or celebrity culture-related slang? (e.g. “Manslinger” for Kate Hudson)
Cold Fishstick= Gwyneth. Ted Casablanca christened that name and even though he’s since rescinded it, I have not.

10.) What is the greatest/most bombastic moment of celebrity ever? (Example: A-Rod posing for a photo shoot as a centaur)
Hands down, couch jumping on Oprah. That is sealed into the memory of public consciousness.

11.) Where do you get gossip on your celebrities of interest? Explain more?
ONTD primarily, Bossip, Sandrarose (where the black people live)

12.) How do celebrities and stardom relate to your own work/extra-work activites?
I am a celebrity gossip. I have been a celebrity gossip. I refused to write hard news in college journalism courses because I was a celebrity gossip. This is me.

13.) Why is celebrity culture — and our attention, analysis, and discussion of it — important?
I’m not sure I can answer this question adequately or generally. For me, celebrity culture spoke to my love for storytelling and drama and intrigue. Those kinds of rituals and narratives helped make my own mundane, banal childhood more interesting. And it is the same for me today.